A Walkies On The Wild Side
by frostygossamer
Summary: Castiel is a lonely angel residing in Heaven, his only companion his loyal mud-monkey, Dean. When Castiel meets important Gabriel and his frisky pet Sam, something ensues. AU Sam/Dean Gabriel/Castiel unrelated slash. Warnings inside. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Castiel is a lonely angel residing in Heaven, his only companion his loyal mud-monkey, Dean. When Castiel meets important Gabriel and his frisky pet Sam, something ensues. AU Sam/Dean Gabriel/Castiel unrelated slash.

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A/N: I do claim to have an excuse for writing this, but I won't bother with it here. I just want to point out that this is an aberration, I don't know WHAT I was thinking when I wrote it, and I'm posting it for a bet. Chapter one is harmless but it does get naughty. I apologize in advance for the candid language. It's meant to be humorous. Please don't read if easily offended.

This story takes place in an earthlike Heaven where the people are angels and mud-monkeys (ref. S04E07) are simple humans. Everyone looks exactly like they do on the show. No furry beasts here.

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A Walkies On The Wild Side (Part 1 of 5) by frostygossamer

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Castiel was a lonely singleton angel who lived in a small apartment in Holy City, Heaven. His only company was his faithful pet mud-monkey, Dean.

The angel was shy. His pet suited him. Normally placid and quiet, loyal Dean only showed aggression when he needed to protect his master. He was very protective of Castiel. The angel suspected Dean was lonely too. But he was very glad to have him. At least they had each other.

Castiel worked hard on his Father's business, and was in the office nine to five. He felt a little guilty leaving Dean alone in the apartment all day so, on weekends, he liked to take him for a nice walk in the Elysian Fields to get a little fresh air, to stretch their legs and to watch the happy people of Heaven enjoying themselves. Dean liked walking. It was his second favourite thing to do, after eating.

~xXx~

Castiel woke up early Saturday morning and jumped out of bed laughing. Dean, who had been sleeping in his basket in the corner of the bedroom, opened an unimpressed eye at his master's antics.

"Saturday morning," Castiel exclaimed. "The Elysian Fields await. Chop-chop!"

Dean stretched and stepped out of his bed yawning. Castiel showered and dressed hastily, anxious to be out and about. He stuffed a piece of toast in his mouth as he did up his tie. Dean's breakfast was the usual lamb-burger and saucer of cream. The angel looked out of the window assessing the weather. It looked like a fine day in Heaven.

"No need for a coat today, I think," Castiel told Dean as he clipped his leash to the mud-monkey's collar.

Dean was relieved. Coats were scratchy things and he preferred, like all mud-monkeys, to go as nature intended, in the buff. Castiel opened the door and they stepped out into paradise.

~xXx~

Castiel's heart swelled as they entered the Elysian Fields park. The sun was shining and the park was full of happy cherubs and loving couples. It was a favourite place for angels to walk their pets. He let Dean off his leash and the mud-monkey shuffled around snuffling and checking out the area for unsafe things.

Suddenly there was a shout, "Sam!", and a humongous mud-monkey thundered into Castiel, crashing him down to the ground and licking his face sloppily. He had been running free, off the leash, and was pursued by an embarrassed angel who called him repeatedly in mounting vexation. As soon as he heard his master calling 'Sam' bounded away.

"Sam! Sam! For Father's sake, come back here you bad mudder!"

The embarassed angel was a neat little guy with an exasperated expression on his face. The moment he spotted Castiel sprawled on the ground he hurried on over.

"Oh my Father! I am SO sorry," he exclaimed offering his hand and hauling Castiel back up onto his feet. "The silly creature was just trying to be friendly but he doesn't know his own strength sometimes. Sure hope you're not hurt."

Castiel smiled as he dusted himself down.

"It's fine," he said. "No harm done."

"I'm Gabriel, by the way," the little guy continued, and Castiel noticed suddenly that he was wearing the cheekiest grin.

"Castiel," Castiel responded, shaking the newcomer's hand.

"How about I buy you an ambrosia by way of apology?" Gabriel asked. "Soon as I round up Mr. Frisky, that is."

Castiel smiled again and gave a little nod. "Sure," he agreed. "Why not?"

As Gabriel sped away in pursuit of his errant pet, Castiel glanced down at Dean who was sitting by his feet with a scowl on his face and his lip slightly curled.

"Seems like a nice guy?" Castiel commented.

Dean growled softly.

~xXx~

A few minutes later the two angels were sitting in the Elysium Cafe drinking ambrosia lattes and talking about life. Like Castiel, Gabriel worked for their Father. Unlike Castiel, who laboured in a humdrum actuarial capacity, Gabriel's work meant that he did a lot of travelling, around Heaven and Earth also.

Castiel was impressed. He had visited Earth three, or four times tops, in his existence but had never had much to do there, except observe and report back to his Father. Gabriel was on a higher paygrade than Castiel, an archangel. Apparently, he was a fixer although, he was willing to admit, often more of a meddler.

"So you've been entrusted to carry out our Father's will on Earth?" Castiel asked enviously.

"Oh sure," Gabriel said airily. "All the time. But what I really love is when he grants me free rein to use my own initiative. I have some little tricks I like to try sometimes."

Castiel smiled. "I, uh, I wish I got to do stuff like that. Of course, my own alloted role is an important one in the great scheme of things, I guess. But it would be nice sometimes to..."

"Have a little fun?" Gabriel suggested.

They both chuckled. "Exactly," Castiel agreed.

When they had both finished their drinks Castiel excused himself.

"Well, I suppose I'd better get on," he said, rising from the table while simultaneously searching for his wallet.

Gabriel put his hand on his arm. "No, no," he insisted. "My treat, remember?"

Castiel chuckled. "Oh yes, indeed," he agreed. "Thank you."

"No. Thank YOU," Gabriel responded. "I've enjoyed our little chat very much," then he added. "I suppose you come to the park every Saturday?"

Castiel nodded. "Most," he said. "And sometimes during the week also. A mud-monkey the size of Dean needs plenty of exercise."

"Don't I know it," Gabriel laughed. "My guy was practically bouncing off of the walls this morning. He's some handful."

"I can imagine," Castiel commented.

"So... maybe we'll bump into each other again next week?" Gabriel asked.

"Maybe," Castiel allowed. "But hopefully not as big a bump next time."

They both laughed as they walked outside and collected their pets from the railing in front of the cafe. Dean and Sam were sitting there, facing different ways, ignoring each other in silence. The two angels took their respective pets, said goodbye one last time and departed in opposite directions.

"He really was a nice guy," Castiel remarked to Dean as they walked home.

Dean grumbled to himself.

~xXx~

Dean's Flashback...

After successfully luring Sam back to the leash, Gabriel took Castiel to the Elysian Fields' famous Elysium Cafe. Being a high-class establishment pets were not allowed on the premises, so the two angels tied their mud-monkeys to the railing that ran across the front of the building.

Castiel hated to leave Dean tied up outside like that, because he knew he didn't like it. Pets never did. They went inside with Gabriel and chose a table by the window, so he could keep one eye on Dean.

Dean and Sam, as dutiful pets, had sat calmly and quietly while they were tied up to the rail. After their masters went inside they assumed the conventional attitudes.

There were two approaches to waiting for your master.

The first was the Red Alert approach: stand erect and crane your head to try and glimpse your master inside the building. This helps to make you look like a devoted pet, but it can attract the misguided pity of passer-by angels who will attempt to TALK to you, thus spoiling your concentration.

The second was the Sleep approach: lay down on the ground and feign sleep. This discourages passers-by but it can make it look like you really don't care, which is NEVER true.

Sam opted for the red alert while Dean flopped his bare butt on the ground and closed his eyes. After ten minutes Sam was already bored and he turned to address Dean.

"He's an archangel, you know," he said proudly.

Dean opened one eye and considered whether a reply was worthwhile.

"Who?" he finally asked.

"My master," Sam supplied. "He's important. Therefore I'm important."

Dean snorted. "Dude, you're not important. You're a muddie like me."

"Yeah," Sam agreed. "But I'm an important muddie. What are you?"

"Loyal. That's what I am," Dean replied defensively.

Sam chuckled. "We're ALL loyal, mudz," he asserted. "That's what muddies are good at."

Dean scoffed. "You're a bad muddie anyways," he murmured inaudibly.

"What?" Sam demanded. "What did you say?" Suddenly he felt annoyed. "Dude, what did you call me?"

Dean drew himself up on his hands and knees. "Called you a bad muddie," he said. "Freakin' noisy. That's what YOU are."

It was Sam's turn to snort. "Noisy is what a good muddie should be. Protectin'. That's what I'm for. And protectin' is freakin' noisy."

"Not necessarily," Dean maintained. "Sometimes you gotta be sneaky."

Sam blew his bangs out of his eyes.

"Sneaky is no good when you're big. Big ain't sneaky," he pointed out.

Dean eyed him up and down. "Dude, you're WAY too big. That's for sure," he declared.

"I'm just big enough," Sam retorted, a mite nettled. "YOU are small."

"Am NOT small," Dean yelped, bristling.

How could Dean be small? He knew FOR A FACT that laying down he was at least two inches LONGER even than his master. And his master was perfect. So how could Dean be SMALL?

Dean growled. "Freakin' monster," he spit.

"Back off, dude," Sam barked squaring up to him confrontationally.

At that point a passing female angel saw fit to intervene.

"Now, now," she said, in a calming tone of voice. "What's going on here? You two boys having a little tiff?"

Both mud-monkeys instantly stepped right down to DEFCON 5. This new arrival might have food after all.

"There now," the lady said warmly. "That's better."

Her hand hovered for a moment over her purse and the mud-monkeys stared up expectantly. But she simply snapped the purse shut, smiled and when on her way.

The creatures were disappointed. They stared at each other coolly for a moment then simultaneously decided on the 'cold shoulder' as the best tactic. They turned their faces in opposite directions.

Right then Castiel and Gabriel came out of the cafe to retrieve them.

...End of Flashback

~xXx~

Over the next few weeks Castiel and his new friend Gabriel 'bumped' into each other almost every Saturday. In fact, shooting the breeze over an ambrosia in the Elysium Cafe became something Castiel looked forward too. It was nice to have a friend outside work. A proper friend, not just a workmate. Gabriel had a lively sense of humour and was fun to be with.

One Saturday Castiel was running a little late.

"Come on, Dean," he said, as he bustled about getting ready. "If we don't hurry we'll miss Gabe. Don't you want to see Gabe? Don't you want to play with your new friend Sam?"

Dean rolled his eyes. Sam was one of those mud-monkeys that were hard to take for too long. Sure he was 'fun', the big lunk, but he tired Dean out. He was always wanting to run around and chase things when all Dean wanted to do was sit quietly and guard his master.

Sam was full of energy, jumping and vocalizing and pushing Dean about like some huge puppy. Sometimes Dean just wanted to bite him and see how he liked that. Only Sam was such a harmless goofball and Dean wasn't really a biter.

~xXx~

Castiel was anxious to get to the park early because he had decided to prepare a picnic for him and his new friend Gabriel. He was hoping to run into him before he got to the cafe.

They set off along the main pathway. The one where he usually 'ran into' Gabriel on a Saturday stroll. Dean was trotting ahead keeping a wary eye open because Castiel was carrying a picnic basket replete with food, a very precious cargo in Dean's estimation. Gabriel came striding toward them with a big smile on his face.

"What do you have there, Cas?" he asked noticing his heavy burden. "Let me carry that for you."

Despite being the smaller of the two angels, Gabriel liked to be gallant around Castiel. Castiel smiled and let him take one of the handles of the basket.

"Thought I'd bring along a little picnic today," he explained. "It's so nice it seemed a shame to go eat indoors."

"Great idea," Gabriel agreed enthusiastically. "Know just the spot."

Dean scanned the park. Something was missing. Oh yes, where in Heaven was that big lummox Sam? Wasn't he always with his master? He turned and jogged obediently after Castiel as Gabriel led him away, wondering whether it was a good or bad thing that Sam wasn't about.

"No Sam today?" Castiel had barely asked when "Wallop!" something very like a freight train collided with Dean, spinning him around.

If Dean hadn't been on super-alert he would probably have been knocked flat just like his master was the other day. As it was his hackles were already rising when he came around face to face with an overheated Sam carrying a huge throwstick in his mouth.

"Ah, there he is," Gabriel sang cheerfully. "I'd only just thrown that damn thing when I saw you."

Castiel took a blanket from his picnic basket and spread it on the ground for the two angels to sit on. Gabriel set Sam's throwstick on the ground beside him and helped himself to sandwiches. Castiel gave the two mud-monkey's their food and then settled down to drink nectar tea and admire the view with his friend.

~xXx~

After they had guzzled their food, Sam wanted Dean to play. In Sam's book, play mostly meant running. He ran round and around Dean until he got him all hot and bothered and then he took off, an angry Dean in pursuit, stopping every so often to wait grinning until Dean caught up. Otherwise the shorter muddie could never have kept up with Sam and his long legs. But then the frisky muddie wasn't trying to get away. Sam wanted to be caught.

When he came to the edge of a little copse Sam stopped and flung himself on the ground watching Dean. Dean ran up and collapsed on the grass panting heavily. He couldn't hide it. He was enjoying all this running about. He never got to run this much normally. Sam rolled over a couple times until he was laying next to Dean, the damp grass feeling wonderfully cool on their sweaty, naked bodies.

"Fun?" he gasped.

"Yeah," Dean panted in response.

Suddenly Sam grabbed Dean and rolled them over a couple times until he was laying on top of the smaller muddie, skin to skin.

"Friends?" he asked.

Dean tried weakly to push him off, but Sam was too big and Dean was too worn out with running, so he gave in.

"Sure," he agreed. "But me I'm gonna be Alpha."

Sam tilted his head and regarded him for a moment.

"OK sure," he said, grinning, then he jumped up and ran off.

Dean lay there for another minute getting his breath back then returned to lay down beside Castiel on the edge of his picnic blanket. Sam turned up a few minutes later and fell in a boneless heap on top of him.

Castiel and Gabriel hardly noticed they were there. The two angels were so captivated by each other's company.

~xXx~

The following week Gabriel rang Castiel and arranged for him to come over for dinner. A romantic dinner the angel hoped.

Castiel took ages getting dressed for his rendezvous. He was very nervous. It had been a very long time since he had been on a real date.

Dean sat patiently and watched his master try on one outfit after another. They all looked OK to him. Not that Dean really approved of clothes. Mud-monkeys didn't wear them. Clothes were uncomfortable and restricted your movements, plus how were you supposed to recognize each other when your bodies were covered up?

Dean was occasionally made to wear a coat in very cold weather, and he put up with it for his master's sake, but he really didn't like it. He felt better, and he knew he looked better, naked. He knew Sam would agree with him. Sam looked exceptionally good and he was always naked.

~xXx~

They arrived at Gabriel's door right on time. Gabriel opened the door with a radiant smile on his face. The smell of a delicious meal followed him out into the evening air. Dean inhaled deeply.

"Come right on in," Gabriel said, waving his guests inside. "I was just about to put on a little mood music."

Castiel smiled shyly. "That would be nice," he said. "Wouldn't it, Dean?"

Dean made a noncommittal sound. Like he cared. He was partial to a bit of noise now and again, like the heavy rock Castiel's neighbours sometimes chose to play as three in the morning, but most angel plinkety-plonking left him cold.

Gabriel had made a sumptuous meal. Or rather he had warmed up a sumptuous meal ordered in from his favourite fancy-pants eatery. Not that Castiel noticed. He was too wrapped up in the sparkling conversation.

After many years serving his Father as an archangel and His messenger on Earth, Gabriel was a mine of amusing anecdotage. Castiel lapped up all his tales, laughed at all his jokes and found himself mesmerized by his beautiful amber eyes. Time flew by forgotten.

~xXx~

Dean and Sam were sitting under the diningroom table, as per usual. Dean sat beside Castiel's legs waiting hopefully for his master to pass him a morsel of food, but the angel's attention was riveted by his host's conversation.

When Sam nudged his shoulder, Dean glanced at him irritatedly. Sam made the come-with-me signal with his eyes and started to crawl away. Dean glanced at his master once more hopefully then gave up and rose to his hands and knees, crawling after his fellow. They sneaked out of the room on the angels' blind side and headed towards the stairs.

Sam paused half way up the stairs, looking back to check the Dean was following him. Dean sat at the bottom step staring suspiciously at the second floor landing, unsure if it was allowed for mud-monkeys to be up there unaccompanied. Sam made the come-on gesture again, more urgently this time, and disappeared upstairs. Reluctantly Dean followed Sam's pink heinie up to the second floor.

Sam led Dean along the upstairs corridor, past his master's bedroom and the gurgling bathroom, to a spare room in back. He nudged the door open just a little and slipped inside the unlit room. Dean was on his heals.

TBC

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A/N: So far so innocent. Chapter two will up the rating.


	2. Chapter 2

Summary: Castiel is a lonely angel residing in Heaven, his only companion his loyal mud-monkey, Dean. When Castiel meets important Gabriel and his frisky pet Sam, something ensues. AU Sam/Dean Gabriel/Castiel unrelated slash.

* * *

A/N: Beware, candid content.

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A Walkies On The Wild Side (Part 2 of 5) by frostygossamer

* * *

There was a double bed in the room and Sam was waiting at the foot of it for him. When Dean entered the bedroom Sam led him to the slim space behind the bed, hidden from the door, where the carpet was soft and untrampled and there was room to lay down.

The big mud-monkey flopped down on the floor, sitting with his bare back against the soft chenille bedspread which trailed onto the rug. He grinned as Dean joined him. It was comfortable there, warm and quiet. Dean liked it.

"Wanna tell you sumthin', mudz," Sam whispered softly. "I can do Enochian."

Dean snorted. "Dude, we can all do Enochian," he scoffed. "I can do maybe a hundred words: 'walk', 'sit', 'stay', 'fetch', all the important stuff."

Sam chuckled. "I know. But I can do Enochian freakin' good," he insisted. "Angel nextdoor got a little cherub. Been watchin', listenin' and learnin' 'long with the munchkin."

Dean had to admit that was clever. "Dude, you're a brainiac," he declared.

Sam looked pleased. "Found out 'bout sumthin'. Sumthin' freakin' good."

Now Dean was curious. "Like what?" he asked. "Food?"

Dean had the kind of mind that was always circling around the idea of food and where to get it. He would have been one big lard-ass if Castiel had been any softer with him than he was.

"No, no, not freakin' food," Sam grinned. "It's 'bout the Stork Factory."

Dean shook his head. "And what's that?" he demanded.

"One day the angel-munchkin asked it's momma what happens to good pets when they... when they 'end'." (because mud-monkeys are not immortal)

Dean sighed. "Know that one," he scoffed. "We git buried in the back yard."

Sam shook his head, dislodging a little dried grass from his hair onto Dean as he did so.

"No, mudz, I mean REAL good pets," then he lowered his volume a little. "They go to the Stork Factory."

Dean thought that sounded dumb. "So what's a stork anyways? Tell me that."

Sam raised his eyes and blew his bangs up off of his face.

"Guess it's kinduva big freakin' magic bird."

"Bird?" Dean asked. This sounded more interesting. Dean liked birds. Tasty.

"You see this Stork Factory is were the masters make Uman souls. The storks take 'em to Urth were they git reborn as people and git to live happy and free," Sam explained.

Dean scoffed again. "Dude, Urth is just a fairytale place, like Walkies. You're always goin' there but you never git there. It's not real."

"Oh yeah it so IS," Sam insisted. "My master has BEEN there. In fact he goes there ALL the time."

Dean was amazed. "True?" he asked.

"Freakin' true," Sam swore.

They were silent for a moment, thinking. So Urth was real? Dean's mind was boggled. He shifted to lie on his naked back, full length on the soft carpet.

"So?" he asked, stretching.

"Wanna go there, mudz," Sam exclaimed excitedly. "I'ma gonna run away and go to the Stork Factory and git reborn on Urth. Then I can run and run and run. I can hunt me some critters. And ride in a fast car with my head out the winda. All the fun stuff. Cos I'll be free and I can do what I wanna for always."

He collapsed on the floor beside Dean, overlapping him a little because he was so darn big. Dean twisted a bit but let him. HE wasn't going to be the one had to move. Sam was overexcited. His breathing sped up, his pulse raced, his eyes were wide and his skin shone with perspiration. Dean could feel Sam's excitement hard against his leg. Typical hyper-stimulated mud-pup.

"Just wanna RUN!" Sam yelped, remembering at the last moment to shush. "Dude, you mind if I mate with you?"

Unexpected but civil at least. Dean sighed. Being overpoweringly delectable, he was used to this.

"Not female," he said, stating the obvious.

Though you'd be surprised at how many mating-mad male mud-monkeys made that mistake, despite his habitual lack of covering. Sam lifted Dean's limp member and let it drop.

"Had noticed," he said.

Dean sighed again melodramatically and rolled over onto his stomach.

"Make it quick," he told him.

It wasn't worth arguing about. He raised his pretty ass a little and began to play with the fringed edge of the bedspread to take his mind off of it. Sam crawled behind him and began to nuzzle Dean's perfect backside with his nose, then Dean felt the big mud-monkey's huge tongue sloppily slurping his exit. Well, that was polite anyways.

Dean relaxed himself to let his companion's large appendage breach his ring. He expected a quick, rough prodding, but he was pleasantly surprised when Sam began a slow, gentle rhythm inside him. Dean hummed with pleasure as Sam's fingers stroked his sides, his tongue gently lapping at Dean's spine in that tender spot between his shoulder blades.

Dean liked this. He showed his approval by spreading his knees a little wider to allow Sam deeper access and let himself enjoy the sensation. Pretty soon he made a sticky patch on the carpet. A few moments later he knew Sam had also completed. When the big muddie drew out with a plop, Dean whimpered.

Sam chuckled. "Freakin' good, huh?" he whispered in Dean's ear and, falling on his side, he drew Dean into a spooning position.

Dean let him. He was feeling strangely warm and snuggly anyways.

~xXx~

Right then the door opened, letting in the soft glow from the corridor. Castiel entered the room, flicking on the light switch. Both mud-monkeys were momentarily blinded.

"They're in here," Castiel yelled to the figure behind him. "Oh!"

Gabriel appeared over his shoulder and snickered when he saw what the two pets had been up to. He snatched a water glass from the night table and flung the cold water over them both, causing them to break apart and flinch away guiltily.

"Dirty mudders," he scolded, but with a hint of amusement in his voice.

Sam scrambled over Dean to nuzzle at Gabriel's hand. Gabriel patted him on the head and laughed.

"C'mon, guy," Gabriel chuckled. "Lemme get you outta here before you get me in more trouble." He turned to Castiel. "Sorry about that. He's normally much more well behaved around houseguests."

Castiel called Dean to his side with a slap of his hand to his leg and Dean complied.

"It's fine," he said. "Can't blame anyone for what their pet gets up too. They're just dumb creatures after all."

It was late by then so Castiel took his leave of Gabriel.

"Would have stayed longer but I have work tomorrow," he explained. "Thank you for the lovely meal."

"We'll have to do this again soon," Gabriel suggested hopefully.

"Uh-huh," Castiel nodded. "Next time at my place?"

After watching Castiel skitter away, Gabriel turned to his misbehaving pet with a sigh.

"Well, least one of us got laid tonight, huh guy?"

Sam faked a guilty expression, even though he didn't know why. Inside he was feeling really very pleased with himself.

~xXx~

Dean fell quietly into step behind his master as they walked home to Castiel's place. He sensed that Castiel wasn't very happy with him for some reason, although he couldn't see at all why he would be. It wasn't like he had bitten anyone. Not today.

Castiel for his part was a little upset, suspecting that his innocent pet had been abused by the much bigger creature, probably forcing itself on him. He wasn't likely to WANT that, now was he?

When they arrived home, Castiel was ready for sleep. He looked at Dean and shook his head.

"Big bully! Tsk, tsk, tsk," he clucked. "Did he hurt my poor Dean, huh?"

Dean sat on the floor and gazed up at him sadly. He was feeling a little sorry that what had been a promising evening had had to end so abruptly. He could have stood a lot more of Sam's 'hospitality'.

Castiel misinterpreted Dean's sorry look as one of silent suffering. Feeling sorry for him, he gave Dean an extra cookie to cheer him up before retiring to bed. Dean was always happy to accept an extra cookie, for whatever reason.

As Castiel drifted off to dreamland, Dean, curled up in his basket in the corner of the room, closed his eyes, revisited his enjoyable encounter with Sam and felt pretty damn good.

~xXx~

Three days later Castiel received a phone call at work from Gabriel. The angel took his cellphone out into the stairwell were he could talk a little more privately.

"I'm SO sorry, Cas," Gabriel began. "Not gonna be free to see you next week. Got an urgent work assignment and I gotta fly down to Earth pronto. Father has personally assigned me one real important task that can't wait."

Castiel was disappointed. He had been planning a super-romantic evening for two, soft music, red wine, roses, the works.

"Well, it can't be helped," he replied. "But it's such a shame. I was really looking forward to having you over."

"I was really looking forward to coming over," Gabriel echoed. "But I'll have to take a rain check for now. And I'll get back too you as soon as. OK?"

"OK," Castiel agreed.

"Kiss?" Gabriel whispered.

Castiel giggled and glanced around.

"Kiss kiss," he responded shyly.

~xXx~

A couple days later Gabriel was back on the phone just as Castiel was getting up for work.

"Aloha," he began. "How's tricks?"

Castiel couldn't help but smile at the sound of his special friend's cheery voice.

"Everything is sunny this end. How're you?"

Gabriel sighed.

"Got this little problem. Let me run it past you."

"Oh?" Castiel wondered. "What sort of problem?"

"It's Sam, you know, my mud-monkey. Been ringing around all the local kennels and no one wants to take him for as long as I'm gonna need. They all say they're full up, but personally I think he's just too much of a handful. He's disruptive. That's the trouble."

"That's a shame," Castiel commented.

"I was wondering," Gabriel continued in a pleading tone. "If maybe I could persuade YOU to mud-sit. Of course if you think not I'd quite understand..."

Castiel considered. "Well, I suppose I could..."

"That would be GREAT," Gabriel responded, enthusiastically. "Though, after last time, I can see you might not..."

"Oh, It's OK," Castiel brushed off that awkward event. "No harm was done. Dean has had his shots."

Gabriel chuckled. "Well, if you're sure. Oh, and by the way, I've booked Sam in with the veterinarian for next week, to have him... fixed. It was time I saw to that little chore. He's a big boy now. I'll still be away so maybe you could take him?"

"Certainly I can," Castiel agreed.

He liked the angelic veterinarian so it was no biggie.

"Fine then," Gabriel concurred. "I'll leave my key at reception so you can pick him up. OK? I'll call as soon as I find out when I can get back. Till then I'll be counting the moments. Bye, Cas Honey."

"Happy Landings, Gabe," Castiel responded, then coyly added, "Sweetie."

~xXx~

Castiel was glad to help out his friend Gabriel by mud-sitting Sam but, fearing that the bigger creature might be bullying his smaller pet, Castiel locked Dean in the living room and Sam in the kitchen while he went to work. He also set up webcams in both rooms so he could look in on them throughout the day, if his busy day ever gave him the chance.

"Now," Castiel said to his mud-monkey. "I want you to be good, Dean. Don't gobble all your food the minute I leave. And no scratching yourself on the furniture."

Dean grouched under his breath and eyed the food Castiel had left out for him.

Castiel then opened the kitchen door and leaned in. Sam was sitting on his pillow in the corner looking glum. The angel noticed that his water bowl was already empty so he went in and refilled it.

"And YOU," he said, setting down the filled bowl on the floor. "You be quiet. No howling or whining. I have neighbours, you know."

Confident that they were both OK, Castiel gave his webcams another quick check and departed.

~xXx~

Almost nine hours later Castiel let himself back into his apartment to find his kitchen door flung back on its hinges and both mud-monkeys fast asleep together in Dean's basket in the living room. They looked very contented there.

Castiel clapped his hands and both creatures snapped awake, hurrying to him and whimpering happily. Castiel patted them both on the head then went to get a dustpan and brush, to sweep up the discarded food that was inevitably scattered on the carpet around the feeding bowls in the living room. The kitchen remained in order.

After eating an adequate microwave ready-meal for dinner, Castiel relaxed and switched on his computer to check the mud-cam footage he hadn't had time to check during his busy working day.

~xXx~

Dean's Flashback...

Dean waited until he heard the click of the front door and his master's retreating steps before moving from his spot sitting beside the livingroom hearth. He trotted over the the kitchen door and applied an ear. Tap-tap he heard from the other side. Tap-tap he responded.

"Gone?" was Sam's whispered question through the door.

"Uh-huh," Dean replied.

Sam leaned his shoulder against the door separating them. It wasn't going to give. Sam pawed at it frustratedly.

"Shut," he said.

"Uh-huh," Dean agreed.

Sam sat for a moment and thought.

"Not freakin' good," he pronounced.

"Nuh-uh," Dean agreed.

Sam got up and paced around the kitchen a few times. He wasn't happy. He had been reluctant to leave off guarding his master's home to go with some other angel. But, as soon as he had realized the angel was bringing him to his friend Dean, he had been delighted.

Now he wanted to be with Dean and he was locked out. That had to be bad. He felt his temper rise into anger at the unfairness of the situation. He glared at the door from across the room.

"Run!" he thought, and with that thought upmost in his brain he launched himself at the door.

The stubborn barrier shuddered but held. Nonetheless Sam wasn't defeated. He padded back to the other end of the kitchen and launched himself again. This time Sam's weight and determination smashed the feeble lock from its screws and he thundered through, Dean jumping back startled.

Sam picked himself up off of the floor grinning.

"Pissant door," he remarked.

Dean smirked at him. "Awesome," he applauded.

Sam assessed the food bowls in the centre of the room.

"First we eat the food, then we copulate, then we sleep. Sound OK?" he suggested.

Sam always had his priorities in order.

"Sounds like a plan," Dean agreed.

They polished off the food with the minimum of mess. Sure some of it got spilt on the floor but it wasn't easy for two large creatures to share a feeding bowl without some horseplay occuring. Dean considered licking up the overflow but he had other things on his mind.

He went and lay in his basket, stretching provocatively and giving his companion the come-hither. Sam sidled over and climbed into the basket beside him.

"Like the way you do it, mudz," Dean informed Sam. "Want you to do it again. Only this time for way longer."

Sam grinned. "Drank up the cold water," he remarked.

Also, having finished Dean's water supply, Sam had plenty spit, which would be useful.

"Who's this?" he demanded, suddenly getting his eye on a small, pink knit manikin half hidden by the blanket that lined Dean's bed. It's beady button eyes stared up at him defyingly.

"That's Dolly," Dean explained. "Hands off."

"Who's Dolly?" Sam asked, never having seen such a thing before.

"She's my juju," Dean explained. "Keeps the night away. Master sez. And she's real good for frickin'. Totally washable."

Dean tucked the puppet farther under his blanket.

"But Dolly's not sharing right now."

Dean knew his manners. It was proper mud-monkey hospitality to share your bed and your self with your guest. But his toys were his own. Dean lay on his belly and snuggled his face in the soft mock-tigerskin blanket. He loved that blanket.

Sam pulled Dean's hips up some and began investigating his proffered hole with his inquisitive tongue and fingertips. Dean giggled at the tickle then moaned softly as rarely excited nerves inside him sparked into life.

Sam pressed his chubby member against Dean's saliva-slicked exit and slowly edged it inside. This was a tricky manoeuvre, owing to its prestigious size. Then he began a slow but firm swing of his powerful hips back and forth, in and out, ever deeper into Dean's accommodating interior.

Dean was savouring every delicious moment. This sort of thing didn't happen very often, almost never. Castiel was usually very quick to 'save' his pet from the unwanted attentions of other mud-monkeys. Unwanted to Castiel. Nobody cared what Dean thought about it. So he was going to really enjoy this session while it lasted.

Sam did his best to please his host by holding on to his release as long as he could, but inevitably it begged to be free and who was he to deny it. The two creatures lay together for a long while afterwards, still coupled because Dean mewled whenever Sam tried to take it out.

Eventually they separated and Sam rolled Dean onto his back, idly tonguing the naked flesh of his toned stomach. The saltiness of Dean's skin reminded Sam of something. He glanced around the room. He was still hungry and there was no more food. He glanced back at Dean who was now contentedly half-asleep.

"Dude, may I suckle on you?" Sam asked, ever the gentleman.

For a moment Dean wondered what he meant, before the feel of Sam's diffident touch on Dean's still semi-hard member supplied the context.

"Be my guest, mudz," he answered without opening his eyes.

Sam lapped at Dean's softish erection until it sprang to attention. Then he applied his lips and sucked hard, drinking down his companion's seed until he ran dry. Sam wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and grinned.

"You taste pretty damn good," he commented.

Dean smiled sleepily. "Glad to be of service," he said, snuggling up against Sam's warmth. "Stick around, mudz, and there'll be seconds."

Sam chuckled and curled around his companion protectively. Sated and comfortable they both drifted off to sleep.

...End of Flashback

~xXx~

Castiel leaned back him his chair amazed. This had come as a total surprise. The angel had never realized that mud-monkeys could be as affectionate, in their own way, with each other as his mud-cam video had revealed.

Well, so much for those mud-monkey behaviorists, and all the books on caring for your muddie that he had read before acquiring Dean.

Perhaps he had been wrong to try to separate them. It was just a shame he hadn't set up a microphone as well as his webcams. He would see to that tomorrow.

TBC

* * *

A/N: Yeah, that's the tone of it. See what I meant?


	3. Chapter 3

Summary: Castiel is a lonely angel residing in Heaven, his only companion his loyal mud-monkey, Dean. When Castiel meets important Gabriel and his frisky pet Sam, something ensues. AU Sam/Dean Gabriel/Castiel unrelated slash.

* * *

A/N: Thanks to all my favouriters and alerters.

* * *

A Walkies On The Wild Side (Part 3 of 5) by frostygossamer

* * *

The next day Castiel set up a discreet mic in his living room and departed for work, leaving the kitchen door open and both pets sitting together in the hallway.

"Now be good," he told them both, wagging a finger. "And if you can't be good, be careful."

That was one of Gabriel's sayings, he didn't really understand it himself.

As soon as he was gone the two creatures ran straight in the living room and observed him through the window until he disappeared.

Sam dragged his attention away from the outside world, and noticed that Dean was using the litter box that had been provided discreetly in the corner of the room. He wandered on over. Dean was sitting in the grit with a tense yet composed expression on his face. The grit was slowly turning yellow.

"You do that real dainty," Sam observed, very impressed.

"Well trained, dude," Dean bragged through clenched teeth.

Sam thought a bit. "Me, I prefer to save it up for the park," he said. "Ifn I gotta do it indoors, I like to make it more of a treasure hunt."

Dean climbed out of the tray and carefully rubbed his equipment dry on the carpet.

"Hey, nicely done," Sam complimented him.

They jumped on the couch and got comfy in an easy pile of bare limbs.

After a minute, "Mudz, you gotta come with me," Sam pronounced.

Dean looked up from chewing hungrily on the corner of a couch pillow and raised an eyebrow in question. "Where?"

"When I run away to the Stork Factory," Sam elucidated. "Like the angel-momma said."

Dean thought for a moment. "Might not wanna."

Sam grinned at him. "Oh YEAH you will. It's gonna be freakin' good. You and me, we'll find us a couple storks and git our butts down to Urth." he insisted.

"What'll we do on Urth?" Dean asked suspiciously.

"Any damn thin' we wanna," Sam declared.

Dean gave that his consideration. For all he knew this 'Urth' might be a scary place.

"Together?" he inquired. Safety in numbers and all that.

"Yeah, damn right together. Course together. Why wouldn't we be together?" Sam yelped.

"Dude, we might..." Dean thought some. "Git lost."

Sam pondered. That was actually quite a reasonable possibility.

"Ifn we git lost then we'll find each other again," Sam said. "It'll be good. You'll see."

Dean shrugged. "OK," he said. "I'm with the plan."

Wasn't like it was really going to happen anyways. That settled, they lazily stretched out on the couch in a messy heap and fell asleep.

~xXx~

An hour later Dean woke from a very nice dream about mounds of tasty burgers and apple pie, to find his ass being carefully nailed by his enormous friend.

"Hey, what's with this?" he demanded.

"Oops. Tryin' not to disturb your sleep, mudz," Sam explained. "Sorry."

By way of an apology, he playfully nipped at Dean's left nipple.

"Thoughtful," Dean thought. "How come you're so damn fancy," he asked, now curious.

"Good breedin', I guess," Sam replied. "I'm a purebred."

Dean was almost impressed. "Not so much of a mutt myself, dude," he asserted huffily.

"Not freakin' surprised," Sam commented. "You're pretty damn FINE."

Dean felt adequately flattered. "Wanna suck?" he offered, generously.

"Not right now, mudz," Sam declined, climbing down from the couch. "There's still cream in the kitchen."

Dean's ears metaphorically pricked up.

"Lead the way, dude," he said, padding after Sam. "We can do the sucky thin' later."

~xXx~

Castiel let himself into his apartment expecting to find the two mud-monkeys in the livingroom as usual. But, of course, he should have known how contrary creatures can be. He found them laying on the kitchen floor amid a chaos of upturned dishes, stepped-on spilled food and puddles of water. None of the cream had been wasted, but part of the parquet was unusually sticky under Castiel's shoes.

The two mud-monkeys woke abruptly as soon as they registered their master sneaking about and they jumped to their feet, mobbing him with gratitude for his return. Castiel fought them off laughing.

"Hey, hey! Calm down, boys. I'm glad to see you too."

After tidying up, mopping the floor and making dinner, Castiel settled down with his computer to listen to the soundtrack to his mud-monkeys' day.

~xXx~

The thing that floored Castiel was that they had been TALKING together. Talking? He had had no idea that muddies could even talk, albeit in a mumbled, infantile patois. Mud-monkeys never talked around angels. It was fascinating to discover that they even had any concept of language, never mind a sort of language of their own.

If all angels hadn't been blessed with a working knowledge of the myriad tongues of both Earth and Heaven, Castiel wouldn't have had a chance of decyphering what the two pets had been saying to each other. As it was, it took him a little time and much chewing on a stub of a pencil to work it out, even though they seemed to use a rather limited vocabulary littered with expletives.

When he put down his pencil and glanced over his transcript he had to chuckle.

The Stork Factory. Really? A fairytale for cherubs. It didn't exist. But how would they know, innocent creatures? Of course they would believe anything an angel said had to be true. So simple, so trusting. And Sam thought he was going to run away to this Stork Factory? Silly muddie.

Castiel filed his paperwork and made a mental note to show it to Gabriel as soon as he came back from his travels. The archangel would laugh his gigglesome ass off.

~xXx~

It was the day of Sam's appointment with the veterinarian. Castiel got ready to go and called Sam to him, clipping on his leash. Dean was anxious to come along. Dean liked walking. It was now his third favourite thing to do. But he was staying home.

"No, no," Castiel chuckled when Dean went and fetched his leash and brought it to his master. "Just me and Sam today. You can stay home. We won't be long. OK?"

Then to Sam, as he opened the door, he said,

"Come on, Sam. We don't want to be late for the VET. Now do we?"

VET? Dean knew enough Enochian to know that word and so did Sam. The vet was a nasty place full of cold metal and sinister smells, where angels in white coats gave you shots and put their hands in inappropriate places.

Sam sent Dean a panicked look as the door closed between them. Dean ran straight to the window and watched the angel and mud-monkey disappear right down the street and around the corner. He stood there for several minutes longer, just staring after them, before breaking away to re-inspect his empty food bowl, rescuing one forgotten bite from underneath. Then he sat down and waited, his whole body trembling with worry.

~xXx~

Castiel and Sam sat for ten minutes in the veterinarian's waiting area before they were called into the examination room. Sam was a bag of nerves, but for once he sat quietly on the floor half tucked behind Castiel's legs warily eyeing the other waiting pets and their owners.

When Castiel's name was called he had to pull twice on Sam's leash before the mud-monkey reluctantly rose to follow him in to see the vet, head bowed.

The veterinarian was an unsentimental old female angel. She smiled at Castiel and waited patiently while Sam laid himself on the cold marble of the examination table.

She gave Sam a quick health check and then began to tie him down to the table with leather straps, legs spread wide apart, straps biting into his naked flesh.

"Seems to be in great condition," she pronounced. "You want him neutered, am I right?"

Castiel nodded. "Yes," he answered. "He's very... rambunctious. And he's been, uh, over friendly with my own muddie."

The vet smiled as she inspected Sam's exposed equipment with a rubber-gloved digit.

"You should get your muddie spayed too. Don't need any unwanted munchkins, hmm?"

"Oh," Castiel responded. "Well actually, my muddie is a male. Is that unusual?"

The vet shook her head without looking up.

"It happens," she said. "Sometimes it's a dominance thing, the Alpha male mounts a male of lower status. Sometimes it's just hyperactive hormones."

"Really?" Castiel commented. Somehow he couldn't see his Dean as hormonal.

"Right," the vet said, as she prepared an enormous hypodermic. "Let's get him numbed up."

Castiel cringed as the needle was stuck into Sam's most sensitive area. Sam whimpered and tried to twist away.

"OK, now we're ready to cut," the vet declared gleefully, picking up a scalpel, which glinted menacingly under the bright lights.

Castiel suddenly had doubts.

"Will... will he be OK?" he asked tremulously. "Afterwards?"

"Perfectly fine," the vet insisted. "Just a lot less... rambunctious."

Castiel suddenly felt that an un-rambunctious Sam, a Sam without his bounce, would be a poor shadow of the mud-monkey he had come to know. His doubts crystalized into anxiety.

"Is there some alternative?" he asked uncertainly.

The vet put down her scalpel, slightly disappointed.

"Well, yes of course," she said. "There are ALWAYS alternatives. But full sterilization is by far the simplest and best course of action."

Castiel frowned and asked, "What alternatives?"

~xXx~

When Castiel brought Sam back home from the veterinarian's, the mud-monkey was in a subdued mood. Castiel looked down at him benevolently, and patted him on the head. He let Sam go in the living room while he went to the kitchen to prepare lunch and feed Dean.

Dean had been pacing the apartment all morning, but the moment Castiel opened the door he was stationed right beside his food bowl. He was anxious to see how Sam was, but food was important. The absolute second he had finished eating, he rushed into the living room to check out his friend.

Sam was sitting on the couch, abnormally quiet and with his legs drawn up to his strapping chest. This was strange for the big mud-monkey, who was normally justly proud of his handsome body. Sam looked close to tears. Dean climbed on the couch and sat down beside him.

"So, dude, what did they do?" he asked, getting straight to the point.

Sam heaved an enormous, doleful sigh, then he opened his knees so Dean could see in his lap. Dean stared for a few seconds in silence.

"Looks sore," he commented.

"Is sore," Sam agreed sadly.

Dean pouted and considered what to say. Unusually for him, he was at a loss.

"SO embarrassin' walkin' All the way back like this, mudz," Sam moaned. "Say another muddie had seen?"

"'S not so bad," Dean said, a sympathetic lie.

Sam whined most piteously. "Jeez, what did I do to deserve this?"

Dean leaned against him in a companionable way.

"Least you still got all your toys," he said, trying to sound encouraging.

They both glared at the cruel contraption of black leather and cold metal that imprisoned Sam's tender parts. It looked so unangelic it made Dean squirm. Why would anyone want to lock such excellent playthings out of reach?

"Can you git it off?" he asked.

"Tried, mudz," Sam stated sadly. "Don't freakin' come off."

"Freakin' shame," Dean remarked and snuggled against him.

Looked like there wouldn't be any swordplay tonight, but at least Dean got to share his Sam's warmth. Could have been worse. Dean knew sometimes mud-monkeys didn't come back from the vet AT ALL.

~xXx~

Just as Castiel was turning in for the night, the phone rang. It was Gabriel. He had good news. He would be coming back heavenward in a couple days.

"You got your allotted task done OK?" Castiel asked.

"In spades," Gabriel chuckled smugly. "That little message is totally passed on. Father will be DAMN pleased."

"That must be very gratifying," Castiel commented humbly.

"And how has that big galoot Sam been?" the archangel continued. "Not causing you any problems, I hope."

"Oh no. He's been a good boy. No problem at all."

"I'll bet. And how'd it go at the vet's? Any trouble?"

"No. No trouble at all. He was a lamb."

"Yeah, well, his bouncing days are over, I guess."

"Hmm," Castiel hesitated. "I'll have to talk to you about that when I see you."

"That can NOT be soon enough, honey bun," Gabriel purred.

"Holding my breath, angel cake," Castiel whispered in response, feeling a mite cherubish.

He blew a kiss down the line and snuggled deeper into his goose-feather bed, all loved-up.

~xXx~

It was midnight and Dean and Sam were laying curled up together in Dean's basket. Dean could feel Sam's long, firm body convulsing with suppressed sobs against his back. He flipped over to face his companion. Sam's chiseled features were damp with tears.

"It'll be fine, mudz," Dean whispered, attempting to sound confident.

"It'll NEVER be fine," Sam insisted sorrowfully.

Dean thought a while. It was a bummer having Sam so sad. It was really dragging down the party.

"Dude, want me to wash your baubles?" he suggested. "Always helps me sleep."

Sam took a deep breath and nodded slightly. "Would be nice," he agreed.

Dean shuffled down until his face was level with Sam's captive genitals. His pole was firmly trapped in its heartless metal cage but Sam's pink globes hung plump and free from either side. Dean took Sam's lush left fruit carefully in his mouth and rolled it lightly on his tongue, lapping and sucking very, very gently. After doing this quite thoroughly for several minutes, he let it go and did the same for the right one.

Sam was feeling a little more relaxed now, and his tears seemed to have dried up.

"Thank you," he murmured gratefully. "That feels very good."

"Don't mention it, dude," Dean replied, snuggling back into the big muddie.

After a moment's silence, "Like you a whole lot," Sam whispered.

Dean gave Sam a faint smile. "That's peachy," he responded.

Sam regarded Dean, his gaze steady and intense with 'Like'.

"Like you as much as Saturdays," he said.

Dean had no answer for that.

~xXx~

Sam was being particularly uncooperative the next morning.

"No," he barked, squirming as Castiel tried to fix his leash.

"But you need to go walkies right now, cos I gotta go to work," Castiel explained, as he struggled to restrain him.

There was no way Sam was going back out into the public street in broad daylight wearing that embarrassing THING over his genitals. Anyone would think he was ASHAMED of them. Or they might think he was some kind of a EUNUCH! How humiliating!

Castiel was already late for work and he had to think fast, so he bundled both muddies into the little communal back yard of his apartment block, hitched their leashes to the clothesline and closed the gate.

"Now be good and be quiet, for Father's sake," he commanded. "And, Dean, I expect you to take care of poor Sam until I get home. OK?"

Dean struck an affirmative attitude, which seemed to please the angel, who bustled off in a fluster. Dean assessed the dried food and water his master had left them with a jaundiced eye and flopped down on his butt.

"Gonna git me some shuteye," he pronounced, stretching out on the dirt. "And YOU. No yappin' at mailmen, bad-ass."

He shut his eyes and drifted straight off into dreams of pie and cream. Sam was suspiciously quiet for a very long time.

~xXx~

Some hours later Dean was awakened by the sound of Sam growling softly as he chewed through Dean's leash. His own leash was hanging in soggy tatters.

"Hey! What the...?" Dean demanded, springing to his feet.

"Runnin' away, dude," Sam pronounced, dropping the two severed pieces of leash. "Runnin' away right now, before they do sumthin' even MORE cruel."

Who knew what further calumnies and indignities might be visited on an innocent mud-monkey who had already been so unfairly punished for doing nothing bad whatsoever?

"Dug us a tunnel," he explained, pointing to a newly scraped hole under the backyard fence. "Leads out to the WOODS. The WILD woods, mudz."

"Dude, why would we wanna be in the woods?" Dean asked, confused.

All Dean knew about the woods was that funny noises came from there during the night. He suspected it was full of bad things.

"So we can hide out until dark, fumble-butt," Sam carefully explained. "And then we can git across town and find the Stork Factory and get ourselves down to Urth."

Dean snorted. "Master said stay here," he pointed out, ever dutiful.

Sam shook his head. "Master did freakin' THIS," he reminded Dean, indicating his unfortunate crotch.

Dean was scandalized by such impudence.

"I'ma stayin' right here," he stated firmly.

Sam wavered. "AM gonna go, mudz," he said, finally. "Freakin' gotta." And he turned on the big mud-puppy eyes. "Dean? Plee-eeze come?"

Dean's resolution faltered for one moment, but then he turned his back on the big muddie.

"OK, dude, go," he snapped.

Sam sighed deeply, gave Dean one last imploring glance and, getting down on his belly, hauled himself through the tunnel and disappeared from sight.

Dean waited a few seconds, expecting him to reappear. When he didn't, he flopped down on the dirt.

~xXx~

The back yard was very silent without Sam around. Even when he was quiet he was a disruptive presence in Dean's world. Things would go back to normal, Dean consoled himself, now that the big, unruly mud-monkey was gone. Things would be just like they should be. Just his master and him keeping each other company.

Except it wouldn't be. Castiel had a friend now. Dean wasn't his only companion anymore. Dean was gonna get neglected, unwanted, forgotten. No more sneaking onto Castiel's bed on cold nights. All he was gonna have would be that cold, lonely basket and his favourite blanket. Somehow that dumb mock-tigerskin blanket didn't measure up to the warm, cuddly muddie he had gotten used to, with his big, hot body, giant paws and sociable sausage.

Dean snorted. What was that last order his master had given him? Take care of Sam? And now Sam was out running around in the woods on his own, getting into who knew what trouble? Dean really needed to go sort him out. He was Alpha after all, wasn't he?

He checked out the tunnel entrance. Sam had dug it good and wide enough for his own massive shoulders, so it was pretty easy for Dean to pull his sleeker physique through. And then he was in the woods.

~xXx~

Dean glanced around for any sign of Sam. Evidently SOMETHING clumsy had recently been through there. He followed the signs of devastation until he almost fell over Sam's curled-up form laying in a little hollow of tree roots.

"Sam," he said, in a hoarse whisper. "You alive?" and he shook him roughly.

Sam snapped awake. "Oh Dean," he exclaimed happily. "Dude, you came."

He grabbed the smaller muddie and wrestled him to the ground, all overexcited. Dean enjoyed a good roll around with Sam. It was good exercise, got the heart pumping and was a great prelude to getting IT on.

"Reckoned you might be dead, mudz," Dean explained.

Sam scoffed. "Course I'm not dead. Jeez, there's nuthin' in these woods 'ceptin' me and some itty-bitty critters."

"Itty-bitty critters can be freakin' spiteful," Dean commented, snuffling suspiciously in the undergrowth. "Sometimes they freakin' sting!"

"Not afraid of nuthin' sting-y," Sam asserted, privately wondering if clothing might not be so dumb after all.

They wandered some ways further into the forest. Sam didn't really know where he was going, but he was fairly confident he would know he was there when he got there. Dean followed behind, eyeing the greenery around them like it might suddenly spring to life and attack. He was taking care of Sam like he had been told.

They proceeded in this fashion for a couple hours.

TBC

* * *

A/N: Phew, thank heavens Sam's bits survived the trip to the vet's. Castiel's going to freak when he finds the pets GONE.


	4. Chapter 4

Summary: Castiel is a lonely angel residing in Heaven, his only companion his loyal mud-monkey, Dean. When Castiel meets important Gabriel and his frisky pet Sam, something ensues. AU Sam/Dean Gabriel/Castiel unrelated slash.

* * *

A Walkies On The Wild Side (Part 4 of 5) by frostygossamer

* * *

Dean ran to the far edge of the trees and peeked out at the open space beyond. He could see one male angel and a female angel walking with two little cherubs. He turned his head to comment to Sam, but he wasn't there.

Looking back into the woods, Dean spotted Sam busy rubbing his groin against a tree. He scampered back to his side.

"Dude, what you doin'?" he asked.

"'S not good, mudz," Sam explained. "When I git excited it gits very TIGHT."

"Does it itch?" Dean asked.

"Some," Sam agreed. "Freakin' trouble is, can't git at 'em to lick it better."

Dean pondered. "Want me to lick 'em for ya?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Dude, reckon that'd just make it MORE tight," he pointed out.

Dean could see his reasoning.

"Just try thinkin' 'bout sumthin' ugly," he suggested.

Sam nodded. "It'd help if you stood farther away, mudz," he commented.

He flopped down on his backside and let the muddy ground cool down his downstairs while Dean scoped out the area. By the time Dean returned he had come up with a plan.

"Need to climb me a tree," he pronounced.

"Dude, can you even climb a tree?" Dean queried.

"Dunno, mudz, never tried," Sam answered. "But I KNOW muddies CAN climb 'em cos I seen a muddie UP a tree, in the park."

"Ooh," Dean responded.

Mud-monkeys COULD climb trees? Suddenly they looked more interesting.

Sam stood up and considered the tree he had been leaning on. He reached up and grabbed onto a bough, hauling himself up by it. No problem. He was soon scrambling up the trunk like the monkey his kind was named after.

"Whaddya see?" Dean called up to him.

"Everythin', mudz," Sam called back. "Everyplace."

"Dude, can you see the Stork Factory?"

"Can see..." suddenly Sam realized that he had no idea what the Stork Factory would look like. "Guess I can see it," he said, not wanting to lose face in front of his companion.

"I'ma comin' up there too," Dean shouted.

"No, mudz," Sam replied, hastily. "I'ma gonna come down."

Alas, in his hurry to get down, Sam misfooted and fell through the last few branches. He picked himself up off of the ground, painfully self-conscious, and dusted his naked body down huffily.

"Dude, you OK?" Dean asked, full of concern. "Stuff hurt?"

Sam harrumphed and Dean grinned. "Looked like freakin' fun," Dean chuckled.

Sam shook his head. "NOT freakin' fun," he insisted.

"Ah," Dean retorted. "But good, cos look!" and he pointed at Sam's groin.

Sam glanced down and noticed, for the first time, that the offending chastity cage was gone, no doubt ripped off by a lucky twig.

"Hey, so that's how you do it," Sam commented.

Dean dropped to his knees beside his friend and studied Sam's red and swollen little ex-prisoners.

"Oh, dude, they need 'em a real GOOD tongue bath," he remarked.

"Damn right they do, mudz," Sam agreed.

So they had found themselves something fun to pass the time, until it got dark enough for them to continue their journey.

~xXx~

Dusk was creeping in as they stopped their aimlessly wandering through the forest and found a softish bed in a clump of ferns.

After they had sat there for a while, Sam noticed that Dean had fallen uncharacteristically silent, and out of the corner of his eye he thought he caught him chewing on something.

"Dude, what you eatin'?" he asked, curious.

"Nuthin'," Dean responded, too fast.

"Freakin' eatin' sumthin'," Sam insisted. "What you got?"

"Dunno, mudz," Dean admitted.

Sam raised an eyebrow. "So what you eatin' it for?"

"Was kinda stripy like candy," Dean explained.

Sam's stomach got hopeful. "Was it candy?" he asked.

"Nah," Dean answered, making a face.

"What was it then?" Sam wanted to know.

"Freakin' buzzy," Dean complained, swallowing the bee awkwardly. "And not good."

They sat for a while longer, the silence only broken by the sounds of their bellies rumbling. His mind also empty of thought, a question came to Dean that had been bothering him.

"Dude, how come you pork so freakin' good?" he inquired.

From the start Dean had been very impressed by Sam's skill with the pork sword.

"Cos I go in kennels one whole damn lot," Sam explained.

Dean considered. His master never put Dean in kennels because he feared they might be harsh and cold places.

"Thought kennels were freakin' nasty," he objected. "Master sez."

"Dude, they so ARE," Sam agreed. "Cold pens, hard beds, measly food. But you git freakin' truckloads of boff. Whether you want it or not."

Dean suddenly felt he had led a secluded and deprived life.

"But, dude, I LIKE boff," he declared, wounded.

"Don't I KNOW it, mudz," Sam agreed happily. "One of your best features."

Dean thought it was nice of Sam to say that. He curled up against the bigger mud-monkey's warm skin and they were both soon fast asleep, Babes-in-the-Woods-style.

~xXx~

Later that night Dean was woken by the hoot of some sort of bird passing overhead. It was a dove-of-peace, a common enough bird in Heaven, but, never having been in the woods, Dean had never noticed one before.

"Stork!" was his first thought.

He woke Sam, whose hunky form was curled tightly around Dean's naked body, his shaggy head on Dean's shoulder.

"Wake up, dude," Dean hissed. "Just seen one."

"Seen one what, mudz?" Sam mumbled, shaking the sleep out of his head.

"A freakin' stork," Dean answered.

"Uh?" Sam responded. "What did it look like?"

"Like a freakin' bird, dumb-ass," Dean replied tetchily. "Only freakin' huge."

"Uh? Then it musta been," Sam agreed.

He pulled his frankfurter free of its hiding place and sat up. Little Sam had spent the afternoon recuperating in the protective cocoon of Dean's butt and he was now feeling way better.

"Dude, let's follow it," he suggested.

Dean nodded his agreement.

"Great plan, mudz," he whispered and both mud-monkeys set off in the direction the dove had headed.

"Dude, hold up one minute," Sam called to Dean.

Now that the clinch on his plumbing had been released, Sam felt the need to deposit something for posterity.

"Gotta squat, mudz," he explained.

Dean sighed and waited, his attention wandering uninterestedly.

Sam squatted down and did what was necessary. Afterwards he checked it out, just to make sure he hadn't left any telltale messages for the wrong sort of nose to pick up on.

"Seems good," he pronounced, wiping his bottom carefully with a handy leaf.

Dean took his word for it. After a couple hundred yards the shorter muddie spotted the bird again.

"There it is," he said pointing. "That goshdarn stork."

"Where, dude?" Sam demanded. "Oh THERE. See it now."

The dove was sitting in a tree preening its feathers and preparing to settle for the night.

"'S goin' to bed," Sam observed.

Dean groaned. "Freakin' bed?" he said. "In a tree? Jeez. I know, let's scare it and it'll fly home... to the Stork Factory."

"Great idea, mudz," Sam agreed, enthusiastically.

Dean threw a stone in the general direction of the dove. The bird squawked and fluttered, flew out of the forest and landed on a tall streetlight just beyond the wood. Since there was no one around at that hour, the two mud-monkeys emerged from the bushes and stood under the lamp glaring up at it.

"Stupid damn bird," Dean grumbled.

"Stupid," Sam agreed.

The dove glared down at the possible predators below and fidgeted. Looking around it spotted a tall building an easy flap away and rapidly calculated its flight path. Then with a great swooping jump it glided onto the boundary fence. Perfect landing. Ten out of ten.

~xXx~

When Castiel returned home from work, tired but already excited by the prospect of Gabriel's imminent return, he was poleaxed to discover the two mud-monkeys had gone. He stood by the gate staring at the empty back yard blankly for several minutes before he investigated and found the route of their exit, the escape tunnel under the fence.

"Bad muddies," he exclaimed. "Now I'm gonna have to call the pound and report you missing."

Clearly escaped mud-monkeys could not be allowed to run riot around Holy City. The City Council employed a team of Control Officers to clear the streets of any feral muddies and ensure the safety of its angelic citizens.

Castiel had already dialed their number when the possible repercussions of such a call occurred to him. Did he really want his and Gabriel's precious pets rounded up and thrown into a mud-pound with a bunch of mangy strays for the night? He had never even trusted a regular kennel to look after his Dean. You heard such disturbing stories. Those poor creatures could be scarred for life.

So, instead, he decided to call Gabriel. Sam was his muddie after all.

~xXx~

Gabriel was only a few minutes from home when he picked up the call. Within a half hour he was at Castiel's side reassuring him about the fate of his dear pet.

"They're not munchkins," he pointed out. "Sam and Dean are adult mud-monkeys. They can take care of themselves."

"But Dean has hardly ever been allowed to run free before," Castiel insisted. "And never in the woods. He'll probably be scared."

"Doubt it," Gabriel remarked. "Tell you what. Let's get some flashlights and take a look around. They probably haven't gone far."

Castiel opened a kitchen cabinet and pulled out a couple penlights.

"I think," he began hesitantly, "Think they may have gone to look for the Stork Factory."

Gabriel couldn't stifle his involuntary guffaw.

"The Stork Factory? Like in the story for cherubs? What makes you think that?"

Castiel prevaricated, "They may have overheard a mother telling the tale to her little one."

He didn't want to have to explain to an incredulous Gabriel that he thought he had 'cracked' the mud-monkey 'language'.

Gabriel smirked. "You give them more credit for smarts than they're capable of, Cas," he said kindly. "They're probably just running around playing chase."

~xXx~

The two angels spent an hour searching the wood out back of Castiel's building, shouting Sam and Dean's names with no result.

"Getting dark," Gabriel said presently. "Reckon we should call off the search and begin again tomorrow. Chances are they'll have come home by then anyways, with their tails between their legs, so to speak."

Castiel nodded sadly.

"Poor Dean," he murmured. "And poor Sam. I bet they're cold and hungry by now."

It was dark. Twinkly stars had come out over the trees and bathed the scene in an eerie light. Castiel was somewhat loath to go inside and leave his 'baby' out there in the unfamiliar woods.

"Cas, honey, they ARE natural creatures," Gabriel said. "They probably know more about surviving in the outdoors than WE would."

He stretched out his hand toward the taller angel and Castiel took it, allowing Gabriel to lead him indoors.

~xXx~

Once inside Castiel's apartment Gabriel sat his friend down, fetched his bottle of holy spirit and poured him a drink to settle his nerves.

"I know I'm just being foolish, Gabe," Castiel replied. "But ever since I brought Dean home as a munchkin, he's been a real house-mud. He's not used to fending for himself."

Gabriel sat beside Castiel and put his arms around his shoulders, pulling him against his chest.

"I wouldn't worry," Gabriel said. "My Sam is like some living dang tornado. Nothing is going to get near enough to do them any harm. Believe me."

Castiel rested his head on the archangel's shoulder, who placed a comforting hand on his knee.

"I do hope so," he said unhappily.

"Perhaps I should stay the night, Cas honey," Gabriel suggested.

Castiel nodded without thinking, lost in his own thoughts.

Gabriel decided to press home his advantage and, lifting Castiel's chin, he brought their lips together. Dazed for a moment, Castiel didn't at first resist, but then he came to his senses and pulled away,

"Gabe," he said. "I... I..."

Having been to Earth so seldom Castiel had never picked up much on Earth's worldly ways. He was something of an innocent when it came to relationships and he was shocked to realize that Gabriel had intended anything more than a platonic friendship. Physical intimacy was not something he was prepared for. He pushed the archangel's hand off of his knee.

"Please," he gasped. "I don't want..."

Gabriel chose retreat as probably the best option right then.

"I guess I should go," he said, standing up and heading for the door.

Castiel saw him to the front door, where Gabriel turned and tried to rescue the situation as best he could.

"You should get some sleep, Cas. Don't you worry yourself any more about those dumb creatures tonight. Everything will seem better in the morning. You'll see."

Then he summoned up his air of archangelic authority.

"I'll get someone on their case tomorrow, first thing. Soon have your Dean back here in one piece."

He leaned toward Castiel as if to give him a peck on the cheek, but the prudish angel drew back. Gabriel smiled apologetically and left with a little wave goodbye.

As he got in his car Gabriel cursed loudly and figuratively kicked himself in the butt. Perfect opportunity wasted. He was going to have to work on his seduction technique if he wanted to pluck that sweet angelic flower he had become so attached to.

Castiel heaved a sigh as he closed the door on paradise for the night. He hadn't meant to seem unfriendly. He really, really liked Gabriel so much, but... he just wasn't at ease with public, or even private, displays of affection. He only wished he was.

~xXx~

The dove had hopped off of the fence as Dean and Sam approached and was now pecking at the ground just inside the perimeter.

Sam leaned over the fence and reached out to try and grab the dove as it paraded about a tantilizing few feet away. Dean came up behind him and noticed his upturned butt, a little muddy but otherwise appealing. He sniffed Sam's exit appreciatively then stood against it, splaying the big guy's buns with both hands, his pink tip resting against the aperture. Sam paused from flailing around and glanced back over his shoulder.

"Not a good moment, dude," he commented.

Dean considered that a very churlish remark.

"Looks like one excellent moment to me, thank you," he retorted.

Sam reconsidered his own thoughtless rudeness.

"Uh, I'm SO sorry, mudz. Just let me spread myself a little more," he said. "Then you can carry right on."

"Maybe now I don't freakin' wanna," Dean remarked, huffily.

Sam gave him a knowing smile.

"Sure you freakin' wanna. You're leakin' already," he pointed out. "Just ram it on in, dude. I'll take it all the way just fine."

Dean pushed gently and his stiffy slid smoothly into Sam's opening. Delicious. Sam let out a tiny, gratifying little groan. Dean started to piston his friend energetically, thoroughly enjoying the unrestrained sounds Sam was making.

After a few more thrusts, Dean emptied his tank into Sam and, almost simultaneously, Sam shot a stream of love-juice right through the fence, startling the dove and causing it to flutter away in a panic, thinking it was under some twisted kind of attack.

"Dude! Now look what you've done," Dean complained.

"Don't think I did that, mudz. Think it was you," Sam rejoined.

"Dude, I did NOT make you squirt on the bird," Dean objected.

"Well, mudz, I didn't do it all by myself," Sam maintained. "You should have put a knot in it until we got the stupid stork."

Dean rolled his eyes. "We both know that'd be inappropriate," he said, a little shocked at the idea. "And probably freakin' unhealthy."

Shaking its feathers, the dove marched toward the big building. It was familiar with this place in the day and felt no fear. It made a point of coming here every lunch time to scrounge scraps of food off of the office workers as they grabbed a few minutes of fresh air on their break. So really this was the dove's happy place.

~xXx~

Sam and Dean climbed over the fence. They trotted after the dove and found it squatting under a bench.

"What's it doin' now?" Sam asked.

"Just sittin' there waitin'," Dean replied.

"What's it waitin' for, dude?" the big muddie wondered.

"Dunno, mudz," Dean responded, looking up at the darkened building. "Probably waitin' for this freakin' place to open. Right now it all looks gone to bed."

Sam nodded. "Looks like it, mudz," he agreed. "So what'll we do?"

Dean sat down on the bench. "Guess we'll wait till everythin' wakes up."

Sam flopped down beside him and laid his shaggy head on Dean's lap. Dean fussed with his hair.

"Dude, you need a freakin' trip to the parlor," he commented.

"Hate the freakin' parlor," Sam said, with a little snarl.

"My parlor's damn good," Dean reckoned. "They give you candy."

Sam nuzzled his face into Dean's belly and grumbled.

"Never git no freakin' candy at my parlor. 'S freakin' unfair."

~xXx~

When dawn came the dove was gone.

"Sneaky damn stork ran off durin' the night," Sam exclaimed in disbelief.

Dean sighed. "Guess we gotta find us another one, dude."

He stood up, shook himself and stretched his arms behind his head. Sam took advantage of his departure by shifting to lie full length and stare at Dean's butt.

"Dude, look's like a waffle," he chuckled, noticing the checkering stamped on his friend's plump cheeks by the grid pattern of the bench.

Dean grabbed his own butt-cheeks with both hands and tried to rub some perkiness back in them.

"Freakin' metal couch made 'em kinda numb," he complained. "Freakin' uncomfortable."

"Got a nice comfy place you can sit right here," Sam snickered.

He was laying stretched out on his back now, playing with his morning woodie, which strained skyward to greet the dawn. Dean eyed it speculatively for a moment, then he climbed in Sam's lap and positioned himself on the fleshy spike.

"Mhm, 'S better," he agreed, bobbing slightly. "You make a great couch with benefits."

Sam stared up at Dean from below and felt a warm glow flow through more than just his private parts.

"Jeez, Dean is one smexy mudder," he thought, his tongue lolling out lasciviously. "Could hump his perfect tooshie every freakin' day for the rest of my life."

Afterwards Dean cleaned up Sam's muscular chest with his tongue. No substitute for breakfast but better than nothing. Although he doubted he was going to get very fat from anything he had generated himself.

Sam looked around, scanning the area for further supposed storks.

"And this time find one that freakin' talks Enochian... or Muddish," Dean remarked.

"They don't talk, mudz," Sam responded, skimming the vicinity with a hunter's eye. "They just squawk. That's all they freakin' do. Specially when you hunt 'em."

"How'd you know?" Dean demanded.

"Oh, I hunted 'em. In the park. LOTS of times," Sam explained. "Who knew those dumb cooey-asses were storks?"

"Dude, whadda they taste like?" Dean asked, now really feeling his lack of breakfast.

"Dunno," Sam answered. "Never got to freakin' eat one."

"Huh," Dean commented. "Not much of a damn hunter."

Sam chose to ignore that.

"Guess we'll scout around?" he suggested.

"Sure," Dean agreed. "Why not?" Maybe they would run into some food.

~xXx~

The sun was rising now and the complex was coming to life. Sam and Dean began to see dribs and drabs of angels turning up for work. They made the muddies nervous so they kept to the edges and shadows.

"Dude, maybe we should ask an angel," Dean suggested. "That looks like a nice one there," and he pointed to a stout fellow who was stuffing his face from a bag of donuts as he walked.

"Mudz, just because he has food doesn't make him nice," Sam objected.

"It helps," Dean commented.

Sam blew his bangs up out of his eyes.

"Reckon we should look for some muddies. Ifn this is where muddies come to git send down to Urth there should be muddies someplace, right?"

Dean nodded. "Sounds logical," he agreed.

He knew a good Alpha always listened to advice from his team. And Sam had a great way with a plan. So they set off, hoping to sniff out some of their own kind.

TBC

* * *

A/N: Wonder what this office building might be?


	5. Chapter 5

Summary: Castiel is a lonely angel residing in Heaven, his only companion his loyal mud-monkey, Dean. When Castiel meets important Gabriel and his frisky pet Sam, something ensues. AU Sam/Dean Gabriel/Castiel unrelated slash.

* * *

A/N: Sorry about this update coming a bit late. I had some kind of a weird broadband outage last night.

* * *

A/N: Final chapter. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favourited and alerted. I wasn't sure about this one, but everyone seems to have taken it in the fun spirit it was intended.

* * *

A Walkies On The Wild Side (Part 5 of 5) by frostygossamer

* * *

After running around for a long time, both mud-monkeys were eventually exhausted and so they flung themselves down in an ornamental flower display to recover.

"Lost," Dean panted accusingly.

"Not lost," Sam insisted. He was, but he was never going to admit it. "Need to git my freakin' bearings is all, dude."

"Freakin' lost," Dean repeated, snickering quietly into the lilies.

"Not sure that I like you so much any more," Sam complained.

Dean chuckled and rolled onto his back, bringing his knees up to hug them against his broad chest.

"'S freakin' cold," he complained. "Miss the big ole fireplace."

"'S not cold," Sam denied. He was denying everything now.

His concentration was kind of distracted by the sight of Dean's bewitching rear orifice, still open and glistening from their last bout of nookie. It was dazzling, Sam thought, as he gave it a quick, absentminded tongue-over. It tasted deliciously of his own spicy sauce.

"Thought you didn't like me anymore," Dean's mocking voice remarked from the other end.

"Like your wazoo just fine," Sam commented dryly. "It's your snarky mouth I could freakin' live without."

Dean instantly squeezed his buttocks together, not caring about how bad-mannered that was.

"Jeez, dude! The two holes come as a set," he griped.

"All too aware of that, mudz," retorted Sam with a chuckle.

He couldn't stay angry with Dean too long, not when he was so much fun to be with. And so easy.

"Suppose I plug you right now, mudz. That make you shut up?" Sam suggested by way of compromise.

"Heck no," Dean snapped. "No freakin' way. Heck yeah to the pluggin', sure. Heck no to the shuttin' up."

All this talk of plugging was getting Sam aroused again, so he folded.

"OK then," he said, jumping to his knees. "Spread your legs good and wide, dude. I'm freakin' coming in."

They set about fornicating loudly and wildly right there in full view of the now busy office building. Dean kicked his legs up real high and Sam put them over his shoulders, pushing his tool deeper and deeper inside his friend's willing hole.

"Jeez, this thin' is freakin' deep," he gasped. "Seen rabbit holes less deep."

"Quit your yackin' 'bout rabbits," Dean complained. "Makin' me fungry."

Then, after a moment's thought, he demanded,

"Hey, and since when did you fudge a rabbit?"

~xXx~

Castiel was sitting at his desk engrossed in his work, nose buried in a paper mountain of celestial proportions. He was thankful to have something useful to do to divert his mind from his domestic pet problems.

He slowly became aware of the sound of muffled hilarity coming from the general direction of the main office picture window, the one that overlooked the glorious lily bed in front of the building. His focus thus disrupted, Castiel became curious. He questioned one of the office boys who was standing near his door grinning inanely.

"Something going on outside?" he asked.

The boy's grin dropped from his face and he shuffled awkwardly.

"N-nothing," he stammered. "Just something in the hanging garden."

Interested now, Castiel pushed to the front of the growing crowd by the window, to get himself a good look. He was appalled by what he saw. Two mud-monkeys going hard 'at it' amongst the lilies, showing flagrant disregard for propriety and visibility. And what's more those mud-monkeys were his mud-monkeys.

Dean was laying on his back with his legs high in the air and Sam was drilling into him ferociously with a expression of intense joy on his face. Even from inside the almost soundproofed office they could all hear that both creatures were yowling with pleasure, evidently thoroughly enjoying their debauchery.

Castiel's face turned bright scarlet.

~xXx~

Castiel stumbled blindly downstairs and out the main entrance in the direction of the lily bed. When he arrived there he found that the two offending creatures had already been netted by a couple building security guards. One guard was struggling to tie a length of hairy string to Sam's collar while Dean curled his lip and growled at him from inside the net.

"Ex-excuse me, officers," Castiel stammered. "But what are you doing with my muddies?"

One security guard folded his arms and disdainfully regarded Castiel down his nose.

"YOUR muddies?" he repeated. "You're saying you're RESPONSIBLE for these creatures?"

"Yes, well, no," Castiel answered. "That is to say, I AM responsible for THEM, but I am definitely NOT responsible for their recent disgraceful behaviour."

"I should certainly hope NOT," the other guard commented. "'S disgusting!"

"I'm afraid, Sir," the first guard began, with false courtesy, "that you'll have to remove these mud-monkeys from the precincts forthwith. Otherwise we shall have to call in the Control Officers."

Castiel blanched. "C-certainly, officers," he stuttered. "I'll see to that right away."

The desparate angel was beginning to panic about what to do next when Gabriel appeared at his elbow. Sam went mad when he saw his master had returned ALIVE! For all he knew Gabriel had been gone for good. Like most mud-monkeys, he feared that every single time his master left his sight.

"Now what do we have here?" the archangel asked airily.

Recognizing a superior rank in their midst, the two security guards sniffed and stiffly pulled themselves up to their full heights.

"There's no problem, Sir," one ventured. "We have the situation under control."

Gabriel chuckled. "I doubt it," he snapped, then he turned to Castiel with a comforting smile. "Don't you worry about a thing, Cas. I'll have this business sorted in no time at all."

Castiel sighed with relief. It was so nice to have a friend in high places to take care of things.

~xXx~

Ten minutes later Sam, now simmered down, was locked up in Gabriel's car and Dean was on his way home with Castiel in a company vehicle.

Gabriel had untied the length of hairy string the security guys had tied around Sam's neck and guided the big muddie onto the back seat. He scowled at him in mock-admonishment.

"What DID you think you were doing, huh?" he asked, shaking his head. "Boy, you are one sinful-ass mudder."

Gabriel closed the car door and went back inside the building, laughing uncontrollably. He had never seen anything so funny in his whole life. He left poor Sam to muse on his situation alone.

Sam considered he had been treated extremely unfairly. Granted, he had run away, but he had been DRIVEN to that. Driven by the cruel and unusual punishment he had been dealt by his master's new friend. How could he have been expected to accept being trussed up in an apparatus which restricted his mud-hood in that mortifying and discomforting fashion? It was SO unangelic. He had had a DUTY to rebel. What sane mud-monkey would not?

It was, after all, his one and only transgression. Apart from that he had behaved impeccably. He had been perfectly nice to Castiel and faultlessly polite in his relations with his muddie, always asking permission, never forgetting to say thank you. What more could anyone expect from him? He had done his best to be good.

Sam lay down across the back seat with his head on his hands. And what was going to be his awful fate? He could but speculate. Would it involve leather straps and cold surgical steel? Or being sentenced to a kennel for UNWANTED pets? Either way he could probably kiss goodbye to his toys. He didn't relish the prospect of a neutered life without the company of Dean and his lovely hole.

"Poor Sammy," he murmured to himself.

~xXx~

Back at Castiel's apartment, the angel was troubled. Today he had been discombobulated in front of his whole office. Actually, it wasn't even so much by the antics of those silly creatures, who after all were only doing what came naturally. No, it was more by the fact that everyone had seen him turn beet red, betraying his ridiculous naivety.

A grown angel of his years should have been able to blithely laugh off an incident like that. As it was, it had been plain to everyone that he knew too little of the ways of his Father's creation.

Castiel looked at Dean, sitting on the bathroom floor blank eyed. The mud-monkey was more innocent than a child and yet he was generous and open-hearted in a way Castiel had never been. He wondered if he had seemed like a total prude to Gabriel when he had turned down his comfort the previous night. Probably. But maybe he wasn't too old to change. He might find out what he was missing.

Meanwhile he intended to fill the bathtub and give this dirty sinner a thorough scrub, whether he liked it or not.

~xXx~

Dean sat on the floor. The bathtub faucets were running full blast and he knew what that meant, a BATH. Now Dean didn't mind bathing per se, he had enjoyed some fun times up to his neck in river water or up to his belly in a muddy puddle. He didn't even mind CLEAN water, once and again.

It was the literal BEING bathed that Dean objected to. Castiel was a DEMON with a scratchy washcloth, but he always conspicuously MISSED the sensitive bits that really needed the attention. Dean always had to see to those little omissions himself.

If Dean had NEEDED to be clean he would have preferred to let Sam wash him all over with his clever, agile, sandpaper tongue. And Sam wouldn't have skipped those fun sensitive parts.

But Castiel was an angel and the bathing was NOT consensual, so inevitably there would be fighting, every darned time. Dean couldn't help himself. There were just some things he couldn't lay down for. The bathroom was where he drew the line.

~xXx~

A whole hour later, Dean was laying on a towel in front of the living room fireplace drying nicely, while Castiel finished mopping out the sudsy bathroom. Dean felt uncomfortably clean but, worse than that, he had lost the distinctive scent of Sam on his body and that sense of their connection with it.

He whimpered. Sam was gone, who knew where. Perhaps he would never enjoy him again. Perhaps his master would never let him enjoy ANYONE again. He missed Sam so much already. His minty-fresh butthole twitched forlornly whenever he thought of him.

~xXx~

When Gabriel left the divine presence, after making his personal report to his Father on the outcome of his visit to Earth, all he wanted to do was go on home , stretch out in his own bed and sleep, perchance to dream.

His contented mood was wrecked, however, when he got back to his car and found Sam melted all over the back seat like a spent candle. He was so limp and dejected he looked as if someone had removed his backbone and left him flat as a deflated balloon.

"It's not so bad, Sammy boy," Gabriel consoled him. "Least YOU managed to get you some action, huh?"

Sam's voluminous chest rose and fell with one immense sigh, and Gabriel had an idea.

~xXx~

The next Saturday Gabriel was in the Elysian Fields park early, waiting for his favourite angel to come along, a big bouquet in his hands. He was sitting on a park bench watching assorted angels strolling happily with their children and lovers. Seeing young angels so happy in each other's company made him feel both glad and wistful at the same time.

Sam sat on the grass behind the bench, staring pointedly into the distance. He wasn't happy with his master right now. Gabriel was going to have to repair some serious bridges before he was forgiven by his pet. Sam had had a good thing going with Dean and he was missing him with almost physical heartache. He yearned to grab Dean and squeeze him till he squeaked, and maybe hug him too.

Castiel had given a lot of thought to his feelings about Gabriel since their first aborted kiss. He had realized that he cared for the archangel, very much. He should be grateful that Gabriel should feel as much for him, and he was. He only wished that he could show him how he really felt without his hang-ups getting in the way.

Dean wasn't thinking about much as he trotted obediently at Castiel's heals through the park. He had spent all last night, and several previous nights, pining for Sam. Now he was feeling spent. He had his master back to himself, but somehow that wasn't enough anymore. He had sat for hours gazing down at his oomphless mud-hood, lolling between his legs, pathetically muttering, "no more sucky, no more pokey" to himself. Oh, how he longed for Sam to give him humpy-pumpy again!

~xXx~

Gabriel spotted Castiel across the park and threw out his arms in welcome. At that same moment Sam caught the tantalizing perfume that was Dean's bodily odour drifting to him on the breeze. His dongle instantly sprang rigid as steel. Oh, how he ached to touch, taste and plumb his best, bestest... Dean!

Dean, scenting Sam, felt his bottom twitch with yearning, and his salami slapped against his stomach as his ramble picked up speed.

Simultaneously the two angels unleashed their pets and the pair of mud-monkeys surged forward. They galloped towards each other, wind tossing their hair, their swelling members hopeful. They crashed together like breakers striking the rocks, and tumbled to the ground in an intertwined mess of arms, legs and penises.

Moved by the muddies' wonderfully free expression of their emotions, Castiel stumbled into Gabriel's arms and the two angels melted into a kiss.

"Love is a beautiful thing," Gabriel murmured into Castiel's ear.

Castiel smiled and whispered back, "Love... is everything."

Gabriel thrust the big bouquet of lilies into his love's hands and fumbled in his pocket. Castiel had to chuckle. Lilies were kind of an ironic choice given recent events. Gabriel dropped onto one knee and opened the little box he had retrieved from his pocket. It contained a tastefully simple diamond ring.

"We should take a lesson from their example," he said, indicating the shamelessly overjoyed mud-monkeys frolicking nearby. "There's a lot of love going around. We should grab some while we can."

"Absotively-freakin'-posilutely" Castiel agreed, smiling as he let Gabriel slip the ring onto his finger.

Gabriel jumped up and popped a kiss on Castiel's lips. This time the angel didn't pull away, instead he grabbed the neat little archangel and scrushed their mouths together in a breath-stealingly furious embrace.

Gabriel's brain screamed, "Yahtzee!", as his senses were blown away.

~xXx~

Sam and Dean sat side by side at the hearth in Gabriel's condo gazing into the flickering flames. Suddenly Sam leaned sideways and licked a stripe across Dean's face. Dean opened his mouth in a shocked 'O', and wound up with Sam's tongue down his throat. At first he struggled against the totally rude and forbidden intrusion but then he succumbed.

When Sam withdrew his tongue, Dean gasped in shock.

"THAT," he yelped, "was so NOT good."

"Reckon that was VERY good, mudz," Sam opined with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

"THAT was freakin' kiss-kiss," Dean complained. "Kiss-kiss is NOT for muddies."

"Dude, you do kiss-kiss," Sam pointed out.

"With MASTER," Dean insisted. "Kiss-kiss is for muddies to show MASTER their love. NOT other freakin' MUDDIES."

Dean reckoned Sam must be pretty DAMN stupid if he didn't know THAT.

Sam pouted. "Muddies are totally great at show-love. What's not good 'bout that?" he demanded.

"Dude, you do NOT fake show-love with a muddie." Dean was exasperated.

"Not fakin'," Sam murmured quietly. "Not fakin', Dean. Love you."

Dean was stunned. "Jerk-ass," he exclaimed.

Dean knew that was not proper muddie talk, no way. But secretly Sam's admission had made him feel a strange kind of warm inside. Not that he was going to let Sam know it. After all, Dean was the Alpha in their relationship.

"So no more kiss-kiss?" Sam wheedled, snuffling at Dean's soft spiky hair.

Dean's resolve began to weaken. Kiss-kiss with Sam might be wrong, but it definitely wasn't so bad. Heck, truth was it was pretty damn good.

"Maybe when we're all alone," he allowed. "Sneaky."

"Sneaky sounds fun, mudz," Sam smirked, nuzzling up against him. "Now how 'bout some richard?"

Dean was ALWAYS up for some richard.

"What they doin' upstairs?" he asked, as Sam lined himself up for a perfect spot landing in his butt.

Sam leaned down, licked Dean's ear and whispered the answer.

"NO!" Dean responded in disbelief.

As if his master Castiel would do such a thing. But Sam knew HIS master Gabriel well enough to know better.

"Uh-huh," Sam insisted.

Dean pulled a face. "Ugh, gross! Ooph!"

~xXx~

While the two mud-monkeys got on with their own thing, something avian and ineffable was taking place upstairs. Two spiritual beings were preparing to unite as one.

Castiel held himself on his knees waiting expectantly to experience the joy that was angel joining. Tilting his unclothed body gently forwards and steadying himself with his hands, he fanned his diaphanous plumage and lifted his ghostlike wings as high as he was able.

Gabriel approached him from behind and folded his shadowy feathers aside, crawling onto Castiel's back. He grasped the soft curly hair on the back of the angel's head with his teeth, tugging gently.

They lined up their orifices and pressed them together in that peculiar coupling that was the heavenly cloacal kiss. The momentous culmination of their union brought a flash of effulgence followed swiftly by the thunderous boom of a sonic shock.

Castiel felt dizzy, his senses overcome with stimulation, all this while perfectly balanced on the ridge tiles of Gabriel's rooftop. Anyone would marvel at an angel's awesome equilibrium and lack of vertigo in this giddy position. They called it 'dovie style'.

Some neighbours wondered if an electrical storm had begun, but some simply smiled together knowingly.

Afterwards Castiel lay naked on Gabriel's bed, soft, smoky wings closed protectively around the cute little archangel curled up close to his body, his own furled tight against his back.

Gabriel sighed and flexed his plumy appendages lazily.

"Sweetie, that was awesome," said Castiel.

Gabriel winked naughtily. "You said it, babe."

~xXx~

That night Dean lay in his basket by the hearth, utterly contented. Who needed Urth anyways? He had everything he wanted right there, his belly full, his mock-tigerskin blanket beneath him and his back warm where his own Sam pressed his long, lean body against him, skin to skin. Poor Dolly lay on the carpet ejected.

Sam's hot, damp breath puffed on the scruff of Dean's neck and it felt good. The big muddie's arm was thrown across Dean's waist, his long fingers stroking sleepily at Dean's downy softie, like it was some shy little mouse. Dean wiggled his ass comfortably against Sam's groin, his derriere still feeling pleasantly 'enjoyed' after a happy couple hours mutual butt-secks, and he recalled...

After the butt-secks was done, Sam kneeled over Dean's prone form, his unkempt hair framing his manly face, and tilted his head, staring into Dean's eyes until the shorter mud-monkey felt uncomfortable.

"What?" he demanded, sharply.

"You're beautiful," Sam crooned. "Wanna kiss-kiss with you. Right now."

Dean knew he ought to feel bad about giving in to Sam's strange unmuddish hunger for lip contact, but something made him suddenly reckless.

"Go ahead," he said, squeezing his eyes shut and fisting his hands in his blanket.

Sam angled down and their lips met, tentatively at first and then with greater passion as their confidence blossomed. Dean allowed Sam to seize control of his mouth. He let go his blanket and wound his fingers in Sam's long, dark hair, pulling him closer still.

Dean reckoned that kissing was like eating a peach, a particularly luscious peach. Sam was a particularly luscious mudder and, for once, Dean thought he would rather have this even than food. He felt his toes curl and his breathing deepen as he got caught up in the overwhelming sensuality of it all. A strange fire, something almost angelic, flooded his heart. Wow! He hadn't even known a mud-monkey could feel that way.

He protested when Sam took his tongue out of his mouth and leaned back to search Dean's eyes for his reaction, finding them glazed and dewy. A faint smile flickered on Sam's lips and he lay down, enfolding Dean in his protecting arms.

"Love you, mudz," he murmured against Dean's neck, and in that instant Dean knew he was paired for life, and always...

Back in real time, Dean suddenly had the overpowering need to express something a normally closed-up mud-monkey, like himself, scarcely had the words to articulate.

In a hesitant whisper he breathed, "What you said before? Me too."

Behind him, Sam snored loudly.

~xXx~

And finally:

Dean and Sam and Castiel and Gabriel were all together for a VERY long time, a life time to a mud-monkey and quite a fling in immortal terms.

When Sam and Dean grew old and eventually 'ended' (because mud-monkeys are not immortal), for being REAL good they were sent to Earth. Automatically. There was no need for the mythical stork.

They were reborn as humans the natural way. First Dean then, an angel's wink later, Sam. And, of course, they did find each other. It wasn't hard because Gabriel made sure they were born into the self same family.

Castiel continued looking out for Dean, while Dean looked out for Sam, and Gabriel went right on finding them both one huge joke.

On Earth, Sam and Dean got to be together forever. So they could run and run and run, hunt lots of critters, and ride in a fast Impala with Sam's head out the window. All the fun stuff. Because they were free, for always.

Sort of.

But that's another story.

The End

* * *

A/N: So maybe this is AU or maybe it's a crazy canon prequel? ;) Either way it was wicked and I apologize profusely. But did you like it? You were totally disgusted? Then what were you doing reading right to the end? ;))


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